


feels like falling for the first time

by meretricula



Series: Yuletide Stories [31]
Category: Shazam! (2019)
Genre: Bisexual Billy Batson, Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21838195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meretricula/pseuds/meretricula
Summary: Pedro gets a boyfriend, Billy gets a coming-out party, and Freddy gets a lot of advice that he has no intention of taking.
Relationships: Billy Batson/Freddy Freeman
Series: Yuletide Stories [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1590115
Comments: 13
Kudos: 165
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	feels like falling for the first time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [girltalk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/girltalk/gifts).

The whole thing, Freddy had decided, was really Pedro's fault if you thought about it. After all, if Pedro hadn't gotten a _boyfriend_ who lived in upstate New York and DMed him, like, _constantly_, he never would have shown them the pictures of his boyfriend dressed up as Wonder Woman for SuperCon (Pedro! Had! A! Boyfriend! Seriously, why did the universe taunt Freddy like this), and Billy would never have looked at them very intently and then clapped Pedro on the shoulder and said, "Good job, he's really cute." 

Which first of all, he _was_, if you were into skinny nerds with really thick glasses, which would not have been Freddy's first guess about Pedro's type but whatever. (Why did _Pedro_ get a cute boyfriend? What did he even talk to his cute boyfriend about? Was there a secret to talking to cute boys on Twitter that Pedro had figured out and why hadn't he shared it with Freddy? They were practically brothers, it was so unfair.) But also, since when did Billy know which boys were cute, so of course Freddy had to point out that it wasn't like Billy knew what he was talking about as far as Pedro's boyfriend or other cute boys were concerned, and _then_ Billy kind of blushed and mumbled that he didn't, like, _not_ think boys were cute, and that was a huge disaster that ended with Victor and Rosa throwing Billy an impromptu coming out party and Mary flying home for the weekend just to give Billy a bi pride pin she got from the Caltech student center. 

"It's just, now _I_ can't come out without looking like a huge liar copycat," Freddy complained. "Which I'm not! I liked guys even before Pedro did, I bet. Just because I wanted to take my time and come to certain realizations about my sexuality and how it influenced my feelings about Superman on my own, and now Billy stole my coming-out parade. It's not fair." 

"Uh-huh, that's cool," Eugene said. Freddy wished, not for the first time, that he wasn't stuck confiding in his little brother. Darla was a way better listener, but Darla was also incapable of not repeating everything she heard to Billy, and for reasons Freddy didn't feel like exploring right at that moment, he did _not_ want Billy to know about this. "Die, motherfucker! Shit, shit, guys, cover me, I'm out of ammo, he's right behind -- aww, shit." 

"Rosa says you're not supposed to use that kind of language in the house," Freddy said spitefully. 

"Well, swordsnroses79 says you should just nut up and ask Billy out already," Eugene shot back, unfazed. 

Freddy had so many words trying to come out of his mouth simultaneously that he ended up just standing in the middle of the living room gulping for air like a stranded fish. "They — you — what?" he finally managed. 

"I _said_ — "

"They can _hear_ me?" 

"I'm not going to mute my mic every time you start whining about Billy, I need it on in case I have to tell my team someone's about to snipe us. Anyway, Swords gives good advice, you should listen to her. She's married and everything." 

"I'm not taking _relationship advice_ from a _stranger on Fortnite_ — "

"A _married_ stranger, she's got, like, relevant real-world experience — "

"And anyway I don't like Billy like that!" 

Eugene actually looked up from the computer screen, adjusted his glasses, and stared. Just for a moment, but given that there were still people actively shooting each other in his game, it felt pretty unprecedented. "Okay," he said. 

Now that Freddy was listening for it, he could hear the sound of people talking over Eugene's headset. "Tell swordsnroses79," he insisted. The audible but indecipherable noise coming from the headphones somehow took on a firmer tone. 

"Swords says if that's the way you feel, that's fine and I have to be nonjudgmental because coming out is a unique process for everyone and it's okay to not be ready to confront your feelings right away," Eugene recited, rolling his eyes. He paused again, then added, "Everybody else says you're a huge pussy, though." 

"Tell Swords that I said thank you," Freddy said, gathering both his crutch and his remaining dignity, "and everyone else to suck it." 

*

"Hmm," Mary said. The first time Freddy tried calling her he forgot about the time difference and got her voice mail because it was six o'clock on Sunday morning in California, so then he called every fifteen minutes until she picked up the phone. He did eventually get her on either his fifth or sixth try, but she still sounded groggy. "Okay. First of all, thank you for sharing such an important piece of yourself with me. I'm honored by your trust, and I promise I won't tell anyone else before you're ready, not even Victor and Rosa. Secondly." Even over the phone, Freddy could hear the ominous note in her voice, and his shoulders drew up almost to his ears. "If you ever — _ever_ — say to Billy that you think he came out to his family as a stunt to grab attention away from you, I will fly back to Pennsylvania just to slap you upside the head! What is wrong with you, Freddy?" 

"But -- "

"But nothing! Billy coming out has nothing to do with you, just like you coming out has nothing to do with Billy." Freddy twitched with guilt, and somehow, even though Mary couldn't see him, she could tell. " -- Does it? Oh, Freddy." 

"No!"

"Why don't you just talk to Billy about this?" Mary suggested, extremely unhelpfully. 

"You _just said_ if I said anything to Billy you would fly all the way from California to slap me!" 

"I can't believe you woke up me before breakfast on a Sunday for this," Mary muttered, not quietly enough. "I _said_ you shouldn't say anything to hurt Billy's feelings or invalidate his coming out process, not that you shouldn't talk to him. You should be honest about your feelings and see what he says. What's the worst that could happen? Even if he doesn't like you back, he's not going to be mean. This is Billy we're talking about." 

Freddy didn't bother to list all the catastrophic possible outcomes of a terrible idea like "be honest about your feelings", which started with "Billy might stop sitting with me at lunch", rolled on down through "Billy might feel too grossed out to share a room with me and run away again" and finally ended, hideously, with "Billy might feel sorry for me". The last was too horrible to even contemplate. "Thanks for the advice," he said insincerely. "Sorry I woke you up." 

"I love you, even if you are an annoying twerp," Mary said. "So, you know. You're welcome, but please wait until business hours on the west coast next time." 

*

"Hey, Pedro?" 

Pedro grunted. 

"What're you, uh, whatcha up to, buddy?" 

"Messaging Rashad," Pedro said. 

Freddy waited, but further commentary did not appear to be forthcoming. "It's not, like, dirty messaging or anything, right? I'm not ruining the mood by talking to you?" 

Pedro finally looked up from his phone. "What d'you want, Freddy?" 

"So I just had some questions about, you know, dating and boyfriends and stuff, and I thought, hey, you know who I could totally ask those questions, it's my buddy Pedro, who will have excellent advice that is actually usable, unlike the rest of our siblings!" 

"Are you trying to bully me for being gay?" Pedro asked suspiciously. "Rosa said if anybody asked me intrusive personal questions I don't gotta answer them and I should get her or Victor or a teacher." 

"Pedro, this is me, I'm like, the least capable of bullying someone of anybody we know. Three-year-olds could beat me up for my lunch money. I have sincere questions and I need answers and Mary and Eugene were both totally useless so I am coming to you, _please_ will you help me?" 

"Why don't you ask Billy?" 

"I cannot. Ask. Billy," Freddy snapped. Pedro blinked and put down his phone. "How did you get Rashad to date you?" 

"Um, I talked to him about superheroes and shit 'cause he likes them and then I listened when he wanted to talk about other stuff? And I asked him questions so he could, like, explain stuff to me. Rashad likes explaining stuff. He's really smart." 

"That's your advice?" Freddy said in a despairing wail. "_Talk_ to him?" 

"I mean, you gotta be interested, too. Like, you can't just ask, you gotta care what the answer is." He frowned in concentration and added, "I ask Rashad how his day was every day. But I really wanna know how his day was, it's not 'cause I'm trying to, like, trick him into talking to me. I dunno if that would work for you, you already spend all day with Billy anyway. Do you need help asking him out?" 

"Why does everybody think I'm going to ask out Billy! I have expressed zero interest in dating Billy! It is offensive and frankly homophobic that everyone assumes that I would want to date my roommate just because I'm gay and he's, like, really smart and secretly nice and the cutest boy at school!" 

"Uh huh," said Pedro. 

"I hate you, Rashad could do way better, and you give worse advice than _Eugene_," Freddy said, glaring, and vengefully clomped downstairs to help Rosa cut up vegetables for dinner. Pedro didn't seem as devastated by his parting shot as he should have been, but maybe it was just going to take him some time to process it. Freddy hoped once he did he cried his stupid useless cute-boyfriend-having ass to sleep every night for a week. 

*

"I wish I were an only child," Freddy moaned as he collapsed into bed. Eugene and Pedro had both kept giving him _looks_ at dinner, and then Mary had specifically asked to talk to him during her weekly call home so she could ask him if he'd taken her advice, right in front of Victor and Rosa. She hadn't said what the advice was for, but still! The only person who wasn't actively making his life miserable was Darla, and he knew she would rat him out to Billy in a heartbeat if he ever actually told her what was going on. She wouldn't mean to, but Freddy's English class was doing a whole unit on proverbs. There was one about good intentions that had stuck in his memory. 

"Hard same," came a voice from the top bunk. 

"Wow, thanks," Freddy said once he recovered from his near-heart attack. 

"Oh, shit, sorry, that came out wrong. I just meant, I don't know, I don't really think of you like a sibling, you know?" 

"Oh yeah, totally, same," Freddy said. "Same same same, I got you." 

"I didn't mean anything _bad_, just I don't have the same kind of relationship with you that I do with, like, Darla." 

"Zero tea parties in our future!" 

"Exactly," Billy said, sounding relieved. "I think it's 'cause we're the same age, you know, I feel like a big brother or a little brother but not a same-grade brother." 

"Absolutely," Freddy agreed. "Hey, I'm gonna go brush my teeth, okay?" 

* 

There was no reason for Freddy to be upset that Billy didn't think of him like a brother. Objectively it was probably even a good thing, because Freddy did obviously have a huge mortifying crush on Billy, and it was bad enough having wet dreams about somebody who slept in the bunk above him but it would be nine millions times worse to go around having sex thoughts about somebody who shared a room with him _and_ thought they were for-real siblings like they were with Darla. If anybody went around having sex thoughts about Darla Freddy was going to have to destroy them, and he wasn't really equipped to kick his own ass. 

At the same time, though: Billy thought Pedro was his brother. He thought _Eugene_ was his brother. It didn't exactly feel great to be the odd one out. All of which led to Freddy's current situation, namely, staring sleeplessly up at the slats under Billy's mattress at two in the morning on a school night. "Billy. Billy. Billy!" 

"What? What's happening?" Billy's half of the bed creaked ominously, and then Freddy could just barely see him in the light coming through the window, peering down over the guardrail. He only looked half-awake and his hair was flopping into his eyes, and Freddy's traitorous heart honest-to-god skipped a beat. "Is it a costume emergency?" 

"What? No. I have a question." 

"What _time_ is it?"

"That's not the question. Hey, uh, when you said you didn't think of me like a sibling, what exactly did you mean?" 

Billy immediately looked a lot less sleepy and a lot more wary. "I meant we're more like friends than brothers. Right? Why?" 

"So it wasn't, like, 'cause you _like me_ like me instead?" 

"Look, just because I'm bi doesn't mean I like every single guy I see," Billy began, sounding annoyed. 

"No, no, I get that -- I'm gay, there are tons of gross guys out there, I would never -- I just meant -- "

"Wait, since when are _you_ gay?" Billy demanded. 

"I don't know, since birth I guess? The current research says there's a genetic component, although I did read this article that suggested some of it's environmental too, it's really hard to separate out nature from nurture in a real world situation. Like, you'd think that after Pedro and you _and_ me Eugene would be statistically guaranteed to be straight, 'cause there's no way Victor and Rosa would just randomly get _four_ gay kids, but having a gay older brother makes you _more_ likely to be gay, so it messes up the math. They don't really know if it's just the younger brother probably has the same genetic whatever that makes you gay or maybe if you have somebody else come out to your parents first you know it's safe so you're more likely to make peace with your inherent gayness or whatever. So if you think about it -- "

"Freddy, just stop for a minute, okay?" Billy rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, so. Thank you for trusting me with this information, and I promise I won't tell anybody if you don't want me to -- shut up, Victor said this is what you're supposed to say and I wanna do it right!" 

"If that's what you're supposed to say I definitely did not do it right for you _or_ Pedro." 

"Yeah, uh, Victor and Mary both said asking me to prove that I was bi before I was allowed to think Pedro's boyfriend was cute was kind of textbook shitty and Victor wanted to talk to you about it but I asked him not to," Billy said. "But I guess if you're actually gay it's less shitty? Maybe?" 

Billy didn't sound entirely convinced by his own argument. In fact, he sounded... possibly really upset. Freddy was beginning to get the uncomfortable feeling that Mary had maybe been right about the way he reacted when Billy came out, and he didn't like that feeling at all. "No, in retrospect, that was extremely uncool of me," he said awkwardly. "I'm sorry. I think I was just jealous." 

"Yeah, I know, Rashad is like, _seriously_ out of Pedro's league." Billy sighed. "I don't get it, we're all superheroes but Pedro's the only one with a boyfriend who dresses up in spandex at cons." 

"I meant that I was jealous that _you_ think Rashad is cute," Freddy blurted. Billy just kind of stared down at him in silence, and Freddy took it back: Mary was wrong about everything. Honesty was the worst policy. Was he supposed to just _keep_ being honest? Just so he could make it absolutely humiliatingly clear that he liked Billy way more than Billy liked him and ruin everything? He was going to turn into his Shazam self and fly to Antarctica and bury himself in the snow forever and _then_ Mary would be sorry she gave such terrible advice. 

"Uh," Billy finally said. 

"Forget it!" Freddy yelped in panic. "Just forget I ever said anything, I'll never mention it again, please don't run away, I'd really miss you which I guess is maybe not a selling point but it would totally break Darla's heart, you don't want to make Darla sad, do you?" 

"You _like_ me?" Billy asked. 

"What? No. Haha. Why would you -- "

"You've been a _huge asshole_ to me ever since I said a boy who looks like you is cute, and now you're saying it's because you _like_ me?" 

"In my defense, I wasn't _trying_ to be an asshole, it just kind of comes naturally to me, but also on what planet do I look like _Rashad_?" 

"You know, skinny nerds with superhero fixations," Billy mumbled. "Never mind, it's not a big deal." 

"Wait, now I'm confused. Are you mad because I like you and you think I'm gross, or are you mad because you like me and I acted like _you_ were gross?"

"I'm mad because you're a _dick_," Billy snapped, and rolled over onto his other side, effectively ending the conversation. 

Freddy stared up at the bottom of Billy's mattress, feeling his throat getting tighter and tighter. He'd probably ruined everything, and now Billy would never want to be friends or boyfriends or brothers or anything, and he'd actually really hurt him. He'd been so scared that Billy would laugh at him or feel sorry for him or just not care, and it hadn't occurred to him that he could hurt Billy, too. "I want to know how your day was every day," he said at last. "Even if I was there for most of it. I want you to tell me about stuff you're interested in. You're funny, and fun, and you're really smart and you care about people even if you don't want anybody to know, and I really like you. I'm sorry I was a dick." 

Billy didn't move or say anything for a long time, and Freddy was starting to wonder if he was ignoring him or even just asleep when he finally said, "You didn't say anything about me being a superhero." 

Freddy tried to be glad Billy was talking to him at all, but he had no idea what to do with that. "What?" 

"When you said why you like me. You didn't say anything about my — you know, my powers, and my grown-up version, and stuff. You don't like me because of that?" 

"I have superpowers too," Freddy said, bewildered. "It doesn't make me _likable_. And no offense but your grown-up self is _old_, that's weird and nasty. Wait, do you like me better as a grown-up?" 

"No! I just thought maybe — you liked all that superhero stuff before we had powers. I thought maybe that was what you liked about me." 

"I like you 'cause you're you," Freddy said. "Not because you turn into a middle-aged guy who can shoot lightning from his hands." 

"Oh. Okay." Freddy heard Billy inhale, exhale, and then inhale again. "I like you too. When you're not being a dick." 

Since Mary and Pedro's terrible advice seemed to somehow be working, Freddy decided to throw caution to the wind and try Eugene's. "If I promise to try really hard not to be an asshole… do you maybe want to try being my boyfriend?" 

Freddy wasn't really sure what he was expecting as a response, but it wasn't for Billy to scoot all the way over to the side of the bed and dangle his arm down next to Freddy's head. After a moment, he cautiously reached up to take Billy's hand. "Yeah," Billy said, squeezing almost painfully hard. "I think I'd like that." 

"Okay," Freddy said, grinning like an idiot into the dark, and squeezed back. 

*

Freddy slept straight through his alarm the next morning until Rosa started banging on his and Billy's bedroom door, shouting that they were going to be late for school. He would have been afraid he'd hallucinated their entire conversation, except that Billy paused in the middle of scrambling in the dresser for his clothes, leaned over, and kissed him right on the cheek. "Good morning," Freddy said, delighted. Billy was blushing so hard he was almost purple. 

"Hurry hurry hurry," Darla yelled from downstairs, "you're going to miss breakfast! I made vegan oatmeal!" 

Freddy looked at Billy. "If I die from vegan oatmeal poisoning," he said very seriously, "please know that you made me the happiest teenage superhero in all of Pennsylvania." 

"You could just not eat it," Billy pointed out. "But, uh, same." 

"I don't think that's possible," Freddy argued as grabbed his cane and started for the stairs. "We can't both be the happiest teenage superhero in Pennsylvania." 

"We can take turns," Billy said, following. 

"Do you have all your homework? Your backpacks? Sit, sit, eat your breakfast, you have ten minutes before the bus comes," Rosa urged. She was fluttering around the kitchen as energetically as ever, but she still managed to land an eagle eye on Billy for the exact three seconds when he grabbed Freddy's hand under the table. "Billy, do you and Freddy have something to tell us?" 

The noise Darla emitted was too high-pitched to properly belong in the human register. "Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh, did Billy tell you he likes you? Are you going to get married? Am I going to be the flower girl? Will I be _double_ your sister when you're married?" 

"You told _Darla_?" Freddy demanded, horrified. 

Pedro looked up from his oatmeal and wrinkled his nose at Freddy. "You told the rest of us," he pointed out. 

"Mi amor, it's time, can you bring the healthy relationship pamphlets, please?" Rosa called to Victor. "Eugene, you know the rule, no devices during meals." 

"But I have to tell Swords and the guys that Freddy finally got it together!" 

"You can wait until after school, buddy," Victor said as he came into the kitchen. In one hand he was carrying some glossy brochures with the Planned Parenthood logo and in the other -- Freddy immediately wished for death -- a box of size medium condoms. "Same goes for you, Pedro, I can see you texting under the table. Okay, boys, first things first, I want you to know me and Rosa will always care about you no matter who you're dating and we'll still be your foster parents if you break up or if you end up getting married ten years down the line." 

"But we also want to make sure you're respecting yourselves and each other," Rosa picked up. "So make sure you read the pamphlets, because we're going to have a family discussion tonight about boundaries and active consent. Now, I know there's a lot of pressure to be sexually active, and if you're going to be experimenting we want to be sure you're learning to use protection, but I hope you both know already that no means no, and you should always say no if you're not absolutely sure you want to say yes. If you need more condoms -- " 

"We're going to be late for school!" Freddy interrupted desperately. Billy had slumped so low in his chair that he was on the verge of sliding straight to the floor. 

"We'll write notes for you, sweetheart, this is important," Rosa said, unmoved and implacable. "Yes, Darla?" 

Darla was waving her hand in the air and dancing frantically in her seat like she needed to use the bathroom. "_Please_ can I call Mary and tell her?" 

"It's four in the morning where Mary is, remember, honey?" Victor said. "We'll all call Mary together tonight, okay?" 

"Did _everybody_ know this was happening before it happened?" Billy asked, almost inaudibly. 

"Buddy, you two weren't exactly subtle," Victor said with a consoling pat on both of their shoulders. "Oh, speaking of not subtle! Rosa, we gotta plan this one's coming out party. Freddy, what flag do you want on your cake? Bi, pan? Plain rainbow?" 

"Plain gay is fine," Freddy said through an inexplicable lump in his throat, and then caught a glimpse of Billy's absolutely mortified expression out of the side of his eye. "But, uh, I really do have a quiz in first period English that I don't want to miss. Can we go to school now and talk about stuff later?" 

Billy rocketed out of his chair as soon as Rosa nodded, grabbed his backpack, and then instead of fleeing hovered awkwardly in the doorway waiting for Freddy. "Thank you," he mouthed. Darla was chanting "Flow-er-girl! Flow-er-girl!" as she stuffed her homework into her bag, Eugene was whining for his Switch, and Pedro was very obviously trying to text Rashad without Victor confiscating his phone. Mary was going to be unbearably smug and tell Freddy that she was always right about everything, and maybe she was going to have a point for once. 

Freddy held out his free hand to Billy and wiggled his fingers until Billy took it. Upcoming death by humiliation aside, he guessed his family's advice had worked out pretty well after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Yuletide, girltalk!


End file.
